There was a company bowling event I was forced to attend last Saturday. I made the best of it. We got some free pizza, a few free drinks, and got to get drunk with coworkers all while making fun of each other and competing for gift cards. My team came in second place, and I was the best bowler of our team. This is all completely irrelevant because I was made fun of for something I don't quite understand. Maybe I'm alone in this, but I don't think so. I was in the restroom washing my hands, when another employee came in to use the urinal. He proceeded to hi-five the wall and rest his forehead against it. I dried my hands off and moved over to the urinal next to him so I could go as well. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked. I replied that I was "taking a piss" and asked what he thought I was doing. "Why the f*ck did you wash your hands first? You're supposed to wash your hands when you're done so you don't get your d*ck germs all over the balls!" I told him that the finger holes of bowling balls are crawling with germs, and I didn't particularly want to take my fingers out of a house ball and rub it casually all over my junk, which would inevitably spread some horrible disease from the bowling alley to my privates. He started laughing and told me I'm a hypochondriac, (which didn't really fit, but I let it slide) and he proceeded to walk out of the bathroom without washing his hands. I washed mine and went to find him. "You're the reason I wash my hands BEFORE I take a piss," I said. "Oh, calm down," he replied, "everyone forgets to wash sometimes." "Yep," I said, "and you and every other guy who does that may as well be taking turns f*cking every hole of every bowling ball in this place. Every time you stick your fingers in a ball, just think of the dude's d*ck that was in this ball before you."
Granted, we had been drinking, so this may have been a little uncalled for, but you get the point. Am I the only one in the world who washes their hands before they use the facilities? I don't know about you, but my privates are generally clean, washed, and free of odors and sweat during normal daily activities. My nethers are cleaner than a bowling ball, and I would like to keep them that way. It's almost as bad as eating finger food while bowling. You just don't do it. I lived through the bowling ball disease of '11 (when my room mate hurt his finger while bowling and popped it right into his mouth without thinking, just to try and ease the pain) We were violently ill for weeks. I'm not taking the same risk with my junk. You've been to a bowling alley. You see the type filthy people who also stick their fingers in balls. Why would you risk it?
