I am Legend

I’m beginning to like certain things about my job here. I don’t like my job or the position I hold in this company, so don’t get me wrong there. I’m just biding my time here until I make a power play and take over someone else’s position which I’ve had my eye on for some time. However, there are some perks of being me and being the scheduler in this plant. Mostly, I’ve become a legend out on the production floor. Granted, there are people out there who know my story and know better. But, there are a couple dozen employees who look at me like I’m a god. Don’t ask me how they came to this conclusion on their own, but I hear these stories that just make my day.

Take Ken, for example: Ken is a low level vat washer. He’s around number 2 from the bottom of the manufacturing totem pole. Ken is a short, round, excited and hardworking African-American guy who started as a TEMP and got himself hired full time. He’s a nice guy about 5 years younger than me. I overheard him in the locker room the other day talking to another TEMP about how he worked hard enough to get hired. I walked past them and Ken said, “Aw Man! What’s up, Pete?!” I said hello to him, asked him how he was, and continued on my way. Around the bank of lockers, I heard him lower his voice and say to the TEMP in an excited voice, “That’s Pete. He’s the Scheduler for this place. Everyone has to do what he says! He tells us what to run, when to run, and how to do it. Did you know he started out as a TEMP vat washer just like us? He worked his way all the way up to Upper Management, and now he tells everyone else what to do! I wanna work my way up there some day just like that!” By this time, I was laughing almost audibly. I did NOT start as a TEMP, NOR as a vat washer, NOR am I ANYWHERE close to upper management. I certainly don’t tell everyone what to do, and they absolutely do NOT listen to me when I tell them to do anything. But hell, I let it slide.

Being a Production Scheduler is definitely an important role in a manufacturing facility. In fact, in most companies, schedulers make quite a bit more money than I do, have quite a bit more authority, and a hell of a lot more respect. My place is a bit different, which is one reason I don’t like my job very much. The other main reason is because of the people I deal with, but there are plenty more entries to talk about them. I do like that, even with the traditional “Us vs. Them” mentality of production and the office staff (and vice a versa), both sides see me as an ally in the fight against the other in most circumstances. At other times, however, I’m frequently called a Traitor by one side or the other. This makes my job wonderfully interesting at times. Little do they know, I’m no Traitor. I’m just not really a fan of anyone, yet everyone seems to like me more often than not. Good for them. It’s nice to feel like someone understands you sometimes. (Even if that person is just pretending so you will leave sooner…)

How did I get here?

Let me tell you about how I became the Production Scheduler at my company.  I started as a filler. That’s on the lower middle range of plant floor workers. I was the only person in the bulk filling department when I was hired, so my work load was a bit heavier than normal, but we didn’t do much bulk. This allowed me to find plenty of other things to do, for example, learn aerosol filling and packaging. I became well-versed in many aspects of our production process, which helped me make friends and gain knowledge. Then, we purchased another bulk filling company and my life changed. I had more work than I could handle on my own, so we hired 3 extra people. None of them were brighter than a burned-out bulb, so they didn’t last.

 

After 5 months of this, I gave up. I saw a job advertisement for my own company in the paper. This was for a customer service position, which is a department I have plenty of experience working in. I was a little upset that there wasn’t an internal posting, but I applied anyway. They called me in with HR the next day and asked me why I never gave them my resume before. I told them it was right there in my file, which it was, and that they never bothered to look it over when we got rid of our old HR department. They offered me the job on the spot, and I moved from the floor into the office one week later. (Just long enough to partially train my own replacement.)

 

I worked doing mostly order entry and reception work and handling everyone else’s excess work, with just 5 accounts of my own. It was alright. All of the customer service women (mostly 15-30 years my senior) loved me and loved working with me. I hated it, but I’m really good at making people think I’m just as friendly as they are. This job only lasted for about 5 months. They then pulled me into HR again, only this time the President, CEO, my boss, the HR manager, and the plant manager were all in the room. My initial thought was that I was being fired, which didn’t make sense to me. They went through all the formalities before finally telling me that I wasn’t working up to my potential. I asked them what I was doing to make them think that. They responded by saying that customer service wasn’t a good fit for me because I could serve the company if I had a different position with more influence and responsibilities. They told me they wanted me to be the one and only Production Scheduler. My heart dropped. I was getting a 20% pay increase, but it wasn’t the money that was the issue. In my past two years working for the company, we had already gone through 4 schedulers. The 4^th was still working there, but was apparently moving to a supervisor position on the weekend crew. Schedulers don’t last long at my company, but I took the job anyway. I mean, Hey, who doesn’t want 20% extra? Well, that was 19 months ago. I’m just as miserable as ever, but I’m adding “valuable experience” to my resume, and biding my time while I wait for my takeover. That day will come, and when it does, it will be glorious.  

Plant Explosion

Over the weekend, I was alerted to the fact that we had an explosion in our plant. We've had a few small ones in the past year, but this one was different. OSHA is here now conducting an investigation to see if we are going to be allowed to continue business in the near future. That gives you an idea of how severe this really is. This fire started from two 55 gallon drums that were being filled by a wall pump. It sounds like the drums weren't grounded by the filler, and static electricity built up enough to create a spark. The initial explosion singed all of the hair off the filler's head and face. Luckily we are required to wear flame-retardant uniforms, so those were the only injuries sustained. The flames shot over 25 feet to the ceiling, which then started on fire. I don't have access to the photographs, or I would add a few. In the 35,000 sq.ft. warehouse this occurred, every single piece of wall is covered in smoke damage and soot. All of the white walls are dark gray now, and the area the fire occurred is completely black. The factory looks like a wasteland. Over 30 sprinkler heads ruptured because of the temperature and flames. Luckily, these put out the fire enough for the fire department to extinguish the rest of it. I wasn't there, but I can imagine how frightening it must have been for the people in the plant. Just walking through the facility this morning was enough to make anyone a little queasy.

I'm not sure why I'm here today, considering we can't do anything other than answer phones and enter orders, which isn't even my department. It's enough to startle anyone into seeking alternate employment. I don't want to just quit my job, but I don't want to risk something even worse happening down the road to more than just the building. If you take all of that into consideration and add in the fact that there is a thunderstorm brewing outside, this makes for the dreariest of Mondays. The week can truly only get better from here.

Work Place Genius

I swear to you that these stories, and everything I write in these notes are absolutely true. Nothing is made up, embellished or exaggerated. Having said that, here are two examples that back up my opening post about how the people I work with are not very bright.

“Dennis” just walked into my office and said, “I need a computer savvy person to help me out.” Everyone in my office pointed at me. I stopped what I was doing and reluctantly followed. I sat down at the laptop and asked what the problem was. Dennis said, “My screen is darker ever since I had it hooked up to the projector.” I simply looked at Dennis, pressed the contrast adjustment, and walked out. “That’s amazing! I didn’t know there was a button to do that! I’m glad I called the expert!” This is what I mean when I say I think the people I work with are just plain stupid.

Here’s another one...

“Katie” was in my office during a production meeting. She had a customer that was very upset that we were not on time with their order, according to her. She told us we were behind, and that my scheduled dates for this order did not comply with their demands. I was puzzled because I was under the impression that we still had a week to go, and we started blending the paint that morning. In my mind, that product would be finished blending tonight, filled on the lines the next day, and ready to ship the day after that. This would mean that we were done with the order 5 days before we needed to ship. “Katie, as we discussed, this customer has a three week lead time with their orders. This order was entered on the 7^th, and it’s the 21^st. We’re going to be 5 days early to ship this on time, so what’s the problem?” Then, in front of about 15 people, she said the most amazing thing. (Katie sounds like a valley-girl already, so remember that when you read this next part.) : “Duh Pete! This got entered on the 7^th and they get a THREE week lead time. SEVEN times THREE is TWENTY-ONE. It’s the 21^st now, so you’re late. Learn how to do your job, and we wouldn’t have this issue.” The entire room was silent. Their jaws dropped to the floor. I opened my mouth and said, “That’s right, Katie, but that’s only three weeks if you start from one, not seven.” Every single person except Katie burst into laughter. She just got an angry look on her face and said, “Whatever, they need the paint, so make it happen.” This is what I deal with on a daily basis.

PS: She gets paid more than me. (A lot more) Have a good night.

Toilet Humor

I’ve learned some fascinating things in my years as a factory worker. Nothing I’ve learned is profound by any means, but some of them are things I never expected or really even wanted to learn in the first place, so they deserve a mention. I’ve learned that men over the age of 40 (and some under, as well) almost all have a unique way of using a urinal. They don’t just stand there and pee like young people do. Some of these guys will use both hands: one to guide and one to hold the garments away. Some will use one hand and rest the other on their hip. Others, I’ve seen, will use both hands, but rest their forehead on the wall in front of them. Others will use one arm as a forehead rest against the wall. I’ve seen a few stretch one hand as high up as they can as if they are high-fiving the wall as they relieve themselves. Some men will do one of these things and rock back and forth from heel to toe, some will choose a favorite position and just rock the hips front to back, others side to side, and still others will pivot their entire hips in slow circles while they’re at it.

Here’s my question: WHEN DOES THIS START?! Am I destined for the same fate? I know these guys didn’t slap their hand on the wall when they were teenagers taking a whiz, so what changed? When did they decide that it would be better to start rocking, or put a hand on the hip, or any other thing these people do? I’m curious now, but you can’t just ask a guy, “Hey, why do you do that weird stuff when you’re taking a leak?” That’s men’s room code. You don’t ask questions like that. So if anyone reads this someday and has a good answer for me, please share. Who knows, maybe by that time I’ll be gripping the urinal with both hands with my pants around my ankles rocking back and forth while moving my hips in a creepy slow motion circle. I don’t see anyone under 40 doing it, so I’ve got a few years. We’ll see what happens. Sorry for the toilet humor.

Nickelback

I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but my girlfriend's father just so happens to be my boss. He wasn't always my boss, but through a series of promotions I've received in other departments, he has since become my direct supervisor. This hasn't been an issue at all. He likes me, I don't mind him, and we pretty much could leave each other alone and be productive. It's been great. However, since they redesigned my office, they have relocated him IN my office. This is not normally an issue either, since it's a big room and we get along. Unfortunately, since we got those big TVs on the wall, he thought it would be a good idea to turn the Muzak from the PA system down, and to play his own music through the speakers. He listens mostly to classic rock, so I can tolerate it more often than not, even if it is the same whiny garbage all day long. Today, that tolerance changed. The first album he decided we were going to listen to today was from Nickelback. Disclaimer: I'm sorry to the fans of this "band", but I can't stand their music. It all sounds the same, and it all drives me mad. This is the WORST thing to start your day with. If I hear "Photograph" one more time, I'm going to go out in the parking lot and "accidentally" shoot myself in the chest on break. Too soon? When the torture finally ended, my ears were greeted with 3 Doors Down. Not on the same level as Nickelback, but in the same category. Needless to say, I was not having a pleasant morning watching him rock out at his desk to this terrible noise and not being able to say anything for fear of hurting his feelings. I'm not worried about getting fired for anything I do or say at work. I don't think they would fire me if I said anything I wanted to whomever I wanted. However, this guy is a little fragile some times, and thinks I'm "cool", so I don't want to make fun of him or hurt his feelings. It's a delicate balance I deal with, but that's another story for another boring afternoon at my job. I think I'm going to leave for the weekend now, considering I've had all my work done for 4 hours and it's 1:30 pm on a Friday. Have a good weekend!

Smells

In my office, we recently added a door. This doorway was cut out of the brick wall that used to be the end of our building. Many years ago, they added lots of offices, a laboratory, and two warehouses onto the existing structure. My office had windows (originally looking out into the world) that looked into the lab. They have since built a wall to cover those windows, and put in a door. On the other side of this door is a cubicle, where an intern sits. I honestly have forgotten her name, so I won't even make one up for her. She's young and going to school to be a meteorologist. I have no idea why she wanted an internship working in the R&D area of a paint company's laboratory, but whatever. The point is that I sit at my desk and I smell her all day long. She doesn't smell bad. She isn't gross, she doesn't lack basic hygiene practices. She's a relatively attractive, well-dressed young lady who just so happens to wear an overpowering amount of perfume. It's not even a bad perfume. I think my ex actually used to wear it. She just wears A LOT of it. I can smell her from 15 feet away through a door. It's ridiculous. I use that door frequently for my trips to the lab, and I can't stand walking past her. It's a good thing she is only here a few days each week. I would go insane if she were here more. Like I said, it's not a bad smell, it's just a lot of smell, and I don't like it. Have a great day.

Shooting!

Yesterday at work was crazy. We were alerted to a shooting at 9am. The only reason we were alerted is because a dozen or so police vehicles and 4 ambulances showed up in my industrial park, followed by the SWAT team, and barricaded the street. The police went the the surrounding facilities and were talking to people at the doors as the SWAT members assembled behind their vehicle and made their way to the back of the building across the street from us. One of my coworkers ventured outside to ask what was happening, as none of the officers stopped by our building. He was told to get everyone inside because there was an "Active Shooter Situation", or ASS for short. (I think my coworker made that up, but the acronym is fitting...) Naturally, we all gathered by the windows and watched as news crews showed up and police scattered with weapons drawn. That building was evacuated, and the people were patted down and taken to the building next door. We all kept checking our phones. Apparently, multiple gunshots were reported, and no one knew anything more.
Needless to say, we didn't get much done yesterday.
Finally, police vehicles started leaving, and one body was carried out. The news reports eventually trickled in. One 61 year old man was reported dead. The next report was that it was a single shot, not multiple shots. And, finally, the real story came out. One 61 year old man died in his own vehicle due to an "accidental, self-inflicted gun shot wound to the chest." Apparently the guy was on break and somehow shot himself in the chest? Listen, I've handled dozens of guns of different shapes, sizes and calibers. I have no idea how you accidentally shoot yourself in the chest. The foot? Maybe. The head? Yeah, if you're stupid. The chest? How do you even point it at your chest? Try to make a gun shape with your hand and point it at your chest. The angle is stupid and uncomfortable. Even messing around like an idiot, the likelihood of you pointing a firearm backwards at your chest is slim to none. I don't know how this happened, or why, but the police insisted that it was not a suicide. They said there is no indication this was anything more than an unfortunate accident. Why the hell did they tell us it was an ASS then? I mean, I'm sorry for his family's loss and everything, but people who accidentally shoot themselves probably shouldn't be playing with guns in their car on break at the factory, and there's very little more I can say without speaking ill of the deceased. Just Google Menomonee Falls Shooting, and you'll come across the articles. This is the ridiculous nature of my life. Police tell me to run and hide because there's going to be a firefight across the street, and it turns out some poor bastard just off-ed himself in his own car with his own gun on accident at his place of employment. Have a good weekend.

Mark

I don't want to single people out on here, so I'll make up some names for the people I mention. This entry is about "Mark". Mark is a nice guy. I'm told his family is from Mexico, but I think he was born here. Mark is in his early 30's, has a lot of money, has a great job, dresses in very nice clothes, cares greatly about his personal appearance, and it shows. He's what you would call "Metro" and he's a good looking guy. I met his girlfriend randomly at a restaurant, so I guess he's straight, and he knows I am, since the whole office knows I've been dating my girlfriend for close to 4 years. Mark and I exchange pleasantries, and the occasional joke. That's about the extent of our interactions. Here's the thing about Mark: After he says "Hey Pete", he always gives me this smirk. It's hard to describe, but I'll try. It's like the smirk you give to a friend when you've just shared an inside joke with him or her about another friend that is sitting next to you, and that other friend has no idea you just playfully insulted their intelligence or their grooming habits and are sharing a smirk about it. That kind of smirk. Only, there is no inside joke, and there is no other person. Just a smirk. In the hall. For no reason. Unless "Hey Pete" is funny to him, in which case, I'm lost. I thought it was a flirty smirk, but as stated earlier, I don't think he's into guys. I'm stumped. I guess I'll just keep smirking back. Maybe that's the joke. Maybe knows I'm wondering, and he's just tickled that I'm confused by the smirk. Who the hell knows?

My Office

I'm convinced most of the office people with whom I work are complete morons. Most of them have a college education, and most of them have plenty of experience in other companies. Well, at least enough experience to lead our hiring staff to believe they would be qualified for their position. This is not the case. I am the company's production scheduler. For those of you who don't know what a production scheduler is, I can explain. A production scheduler takes all the orders that come through our sales and customer service department, shuffles them all together, and plans out which areas of production will complete which jobs and at what time. In my factory, which is a paint manufacturing facility, we have 5 aerosol filling lines, 2 bulk filling areas, one bottle filling area, and one pen filling area. I also schedule our blending department, which consists of (on average) 5 guys who blend the large orders of paint before they get filled. Our custom color match department schedules their own paint, but I give them the orders to do so. I don't feel like diving into all of the reasons I believe these people are stupid at the moment, but if you read any more of my rants, you'll find out for yourself just how dumb these people really are.
I've learned a lot about people in the last 3.5 years I've been with this company. Most of what I've learned has made me wish I never had to interact with other humans for the rest of my life, but at the same time, a fair amount of what I've learned has been just fascinating. I'm sure most of you have similar work experiences, so feel free to comment or share. Thanks everyone!